hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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