we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
