Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
