honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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