If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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