we're chasing vodka with high fives
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
