your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
