Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
