Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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