I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
