I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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