The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
