Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
