If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
