Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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