mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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