Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
