Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
