No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
