dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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