We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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