Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
