its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
