But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
