I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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