You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
