They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
