You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
