yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
