So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
