He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
