I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
