some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
