he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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