after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
