I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize