I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
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chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
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I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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