We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
