I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
