i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
