I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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