i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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