im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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