honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
