A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
