I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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