Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize