So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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