I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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