peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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