you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
