What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Randomize