You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
