I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize