He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she told me i tasted like america
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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