I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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