And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
