Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
