I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
