I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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