I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
