the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize