I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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