we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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